overwhelmed.
so much on my plate right now... constant sherwood stuff, it seems all day every day. when do i get to be dan? i don't even know how to have normal conversations anymore. the only break i have in the next 6 months is this month in michigan coming up, during which i need to be writing songs (frantically, if possible), teaching gabe guitar parts and conducting sherwood business via email and phone, which includes finalizing mixes for the EP, as well as making a million decisions regarding its online release, physical release, etc. i am going to turn my phone off and drown in bob dylan for days at a time and piss everyone off. so everyone, be ready for that.
and yet, amidst it all, i am learning, i think. today i took a walk and got coffee and cereal and listened to the beach boys and los straitjackets and a surfin' hits compilation my parents gave me when i was 7. "new york's a lonely town" by the trade winds is my current favorite song i think...check it out. =) also we are recording the best d*mn songs we have ever written, and i am pretty sure everyone who has heard them has agreed so far...
i spent some time with some female friends tonight, my age, actually younger than me, living exciting lives (but so am i, right?). and i was so completely intimidated that i had no idea what to say. if i talk about sherwood, i feel like i have to make constant apologies or preface everything with something, anything to keep from sounding like a prick or a rockstar or an egomaniac -- the first and third are true and must be masked, the second will most likely never be true. =) why all the excuses? i have lsot the faculty for normal social interaction. i hope it comes back, but i don't know if it will. if not, i can still be a poster on someone's wall, a lyric on their myspace page, a goofy picture in their photo album (or photoBUCKET album these days), and i am ok with that, i think there is value there. i just hope i can have real friends also, not just mikey and the piled of burned-out logs that appear to be all the older friendships i have left to entropy (you know who you are and i am sorry for being the ass that i am/have been/will most likely continue to be).
is this too self-depricating? if so, let me know. i am not trying to bum anyone out or elicit pity or anything; just getting it all out there i guess. we all have problems and insecurities. if you can't relate to this, you are probably 12.
with some love,
dan
posted by Dan @ 2:22 AM
11 Comments:
You are definitely not alone. I agree that every adult has gone through some form of what you are. But you're the one in control, if friendships have been rocky, than own up and fix them if they are worth fixing, and if not appreciate what they were and don't worry about what they are not. I think far to often we have a format or mold that we try and fit our relationships into and you can't do that, because man has it's own agenda and we as people are too different. You just have to appreciate the ones around you, and try not to forget about the ones who are not. Life pulls us in a million different directions but that's ok because wherever we go there will be at least one smiling face that is momentarily moving in the same direction as you. Real, life long friends are the ones who can support you when you go down a different road, even if it's not the same as their own. They are the one's that you can sit with and just feel a sense of peace in just being with them, and knowing they understand, or are at least willing to try. Don't let them go. I think I've been realizing more lately that as you grow older you have a better understanding of your real friendships. Most of the "best-friends" I had growing aren't close to me at all, but I am ok with that because I am a different now, and what our friendship did for each other then wouldn't apply to me now. I don't know if I'm making any sense out of this, but oh well. If you are worried about giving the wrong impression of yourself than you probably already are. Be Dan and that is enough. It is a waste of time to worry about what other's think of you, and yet is something that I personally struggle with all the time. Real friends will be made when you are real with them. And if you are disappointed in how you act or may be seen than get to the root of it, and change if you feel you should, changing for other's never works. Ok enough pep talk. Cheer up kid, get lost in some great music, and love people, that I find is the greatest lifter of spirits, just loving.
Kelly
don't worry too much about it dan, you've still got your old friends, it's just simply a matter of finding the time to talk to them. also, all this hard work is leading you (and probably already has) to something most people spend their entire lives searching for, stuff like recognition and admiration.
"we all have problems and insecurities" so just relax. the only reason why someone has an insecurity is because they're forcing it on themselves. i know i'm just a fan and pretty much don't know you at all, but i'm sure you have nothing to be insecure about.
Aw, Dan...you're the cutest thing ever...well besides mikey but we all agree on that. I hope you enjoy your time in Michigan and get to relax a little. Myspace me if you wanna hang while you're here. I'm in G. Rap a lot cause I have friends there.
~Stacey
dan...i'm not exactly the huge rockstar (yet) but i know what it's like to be burnt out. it sucks, to say the least.
dude, just take some rest, maybe you can't but do somethig, get away from the band for a minute, or get away from whatever it is that's causing you so much overload.
there's nothign wrong with doin the thigns you do, but when they become overwhelming, it becomes dangerous, and then when they take the place of more important things it becomes and dangerous idol.
keep your chin up, write great songs, step away when needed, and don't forget to have fun.
-dan
dan, you are growing, and I love watching you grow, and I am sad that your verbal processing days are slowly dying like the fire pit at 3 in the morning but there are big hits waiting for you dan koch. and whats this band you mention of? you are in a band? I'll have to check it out.
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"There is a new-moon new-man planted near here, spending the lightness of his humility like blossoms on the ground."
We all have our overwhelming moments, so I think everyone who reads this can relate to what you are saying. As for the girl thing, don't be intimidated. Talk about Sherwood...its part of your life, and thats what you're supposed to share with friends, right? Be who you are and don't hold anything back...thats what will make people love you :)
Hey, I like you. Hopefully you will make it back to ye ole San Jose area soonish so there can be hanging out. I haven't had much lately. Yeah.. Do that. But until then, good luck on the road, Road Warrior.
It sucks that as the more you live your own life, the more of an effort it becomes to keep your friends that aren't living it with you. Don't be so hard on yourself. Life gets in the way and you have to realize it and keep your friends around, because you'll always need them.
Hey dan.
This sounds kind of stupid, but I find this kind of encouraging. to see that other people feel the same way.
Someweeks are hard when there is so much stuff going on: Highschool, Bands, Work, Trying to make time with my folks, trying to enjoy life at least a little bit?
I don't really know what I am going to say here... I just hope that you can get some time for yourself. It would do you good.
p.s. I am super excited to hear the new songs.
Just a short note to say thanks for your down to earth sensibilities. It was nice catching up to you at Ten Bells and hopefully I'll see you around town once or twice. I appreciate your streams of (un)consciousness and enjoy tracking your random musings online. Take good care of yourself, Dan. - Calvin
MONTH IN MICHIGAN!?
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